Never trust a Pretty Face
by OnehitWonder7777777
Summary: # **% FIXED ((% % Hiccup and Merida fall in love? I don't see it. Sweet, pacifistic Viking Hiccup trades lives with feisty, pugnacious Princess Merida; now that sounds like fun!
1. Chapter 1

I am so sorry for that false 1st chapter! I got my titles mixed up, please forget about it and just try to enjoy this!

…..

The night had comfortable spring warmth. Perfect for hosting an extravagant fair that featured all the wonders the world could offer. There was anything you want to see: everything from fire-swallowers, talking animals, six-armed swordsmen and even a bearded lady.

All sorts of folks were there; grand or ordinary, mysterious and alluring plus the ugly and terrifying. Mixtures of all kinds, including some that weren't exactly classified as human, but no human that night was rude enough to point it out.

Merida of the clan DonBroch walked by herself to the maroon tent. It had gold stars unseen unless in the right light.

Inside was bigger than it looked, plenty of room for the many customers enjoying their hookahs. A man with a funny, dark beard welcomed her, and told her they were booked unless she was willing to share.

Since she'd slipped away from her family, and her friend left (to watch 'mermaids'), Merida's slight loneliness made her curious to meet a stranger.

Following the man, she noticed the other customers pleasantly enjoying their intoxication. She found this fascinating; she thought this was a way to heighten her dreams during consciousness.

Each table had thin, sparking curtains surrounding it to give privacy. Merida could only see the sillhoutte of a person alone at a table. The man pulled it back, revealing a boy about her age coughing, and asked if the boy minded sharing.

"Sure- not a problem." His voice was nasally and toad-like; probably an effect of the hookah smoking.

"You are lucky; it's a pretty young lady." The man gestured to Merida, who rolled her eyes without the man noticing then smiled politely when they both looked at her.

Merida took a chair, paid the man with a gold ring and then was alone with the boy.

"What's it like?" Merida asked as he starting to lit it again.

The boy cleared his throat and told her, "I just started but so far just a little light-headedness."

The glass center was blue and blubbing, excited Merida took the mouth piece and smoothly inhaled.

The boy nodded a few times to show respect. "Nicely done for your first time."

The smoke she exhaled felt cool. "Huh, I thought it'd feel more fantastic than this."

Inhaling and then not choking, the boy laid back in his chair with ease. "Give it some time."

And in time the oddly juicy tasting swirls of smoke had them both in a state of euphoric relaxation.

"You've got a funny name." Merida said after they introduced themselves.

Hiccup said with dry, but not unsweet tone, "Yeah, I know but Fishlegs was taken at the time."

Merida laughed, her little buzz kept everything in her peaceful and cool.

"Hey, how come they you're alone?" Hiccup asked.

"I'm not alone- you're right here, sharing my table." Merida dizzily reminded him.

Hiccup shrugged at the rational answer. "Okay, why did you arrive here with no one else?"

"Ahh, couldn't find anyone else to try this with. How bout you?" Merida was appreciating how bouncy her hair was.

"I think it was either a chocolate chart or the guy who lays on spikes that took my company. Oh well, but your people were wrong to leave you." Hiccup informed her.

Merida didn't know how to take him seriously. "Mermaids aren't a worst reason than why your friends left you."

"I just mean it's not awesome when a girl's by herself at a criminal inviting fair; though I'm not saying they don't craft amazing ceramic unicorns." Hiccup had his hands up in defense.

"Ughh, ya sound like my mother." Merida gestured her hand like she was swiping a fly away. "I can take on a man twice my size if needed, I'm not some fragile little girl, unlike someone else I can mention." She pointed at Hiccup.

"First, ouch for doubting my thrashing abilities and second I didn't intend that girls can't be bruisers either. Believe me, I've felt the bruising." Hiccup rubbed his arm in remembrance.

Merida laughed a bit. "I'd love to, I've yet to meet a lass that can do more than bake a cake; unless ya count my mum."

"You're close to your mom, huh?" Hiccup guessed out loud.

"I am, as weird as is it to admit, we weren't always though. But crazy things happen and you learn to talk, and listen and just like each for being different." Merida admitted.

Hiccup was quiet, which made Merida feel like she talked too much so she asked, "What's your mum like?"

Hiccup shrugged. "Kind of a stiff."

The silence got awkward, and then something clicked in Merida's head. "Ahh, I am so sorry."

"It's okay, really." Hiccup's smile showed tenderness; it was old news and he didn't care to dwell on it.

Still on a buzz, but felt enough to think thoroughly, Merida then asked, "So what's your dad like?"

The mood didn't improve, but Hiccup gave gentle irony. "Crazy things happen…."

The fair was located near a great forest; the trees were tall and blue and the ground wasn't crowded with natural debris.

Hiccup talked about his life and listened to Merida when she talked about hers. The delicious smoke was still swirling in their brains, making them fuzzy but still civil.

"So where is this mighty beast of yers? Did he fly away?" Merida had never seen a dragon up close before but she was highly cynical of seeing a nice one.

"I parked him right over here; and he wouldn't fly away. He's a good dragon; best friend I've ever had." Hiccup did trust his dragon would be where he left him, but in the pretty forest at night it was hard to see where things went.

"That's nice. (yawn) I would love to see him. Have a ride even if he turns out to exist." Even in her disbelief, Merida felt that the boy was trustworthy enough; a little soft but not a liar.

"Riding dragons. Even if it's just a fantasy, I could use some fun like that." Merida admitted as she followed the aimless Hiccup.

He continued pushing branches in a stubborn attempt to prove he wasn't lost. "Yeah, the flying is awesome; the cleaning, clipping, polishing, feeding; hellheim all the training it takes I could use a break from."

"Ahh come off it; ya gotta take care of yer pets; give and take and all that." Merida looked up at the moon; it was full and brighter than usual.

After his metal foot stepped in some glowing fungi, Hiccup decided to stop the hike. "No offense, but what would you know about giving? Don't you just get everything, your highness?"

Merida took the offense. "Oh, you do not know the mind numbing pains it takes to wear a corset and pretend to be an example of perfection."

Hiccup turned around and played with his hands for show. "You are so right; I have never had to do either of those and probably never will."

"Oh don't start the pity party; you got a bigger adventures than I got." Merida bitterly stated.

"Table for two, the pity party has started for all attending." Hiccup sat down and invited her to sit next to him against a tree.

They listened to the sounds of bugs and spooky nature.

"With all that comes with it, I love what I have to do everyday." Hiccup told her.

"I may get hopelessly bored but I've got my family. They're not worth trading anything." Merida told him.

From the far left, a bright green light appeared. It came from a cart, a jewelry caravan like the many the fair had.

"I don't remember that always being there." Hiccup said, his companion calmly curious as he was beneath the surface.

Lifting herself of the ground, Merida walked over to see the trinkets better. Hiccup's head bounced back and forth as he questioned in his head what to do next. He got up and went to look at what Merida saw.

The pendants and chains that hung were all swirling in green colors. His logic couldn't explain where the individual lights were coming from, this bothered Hiccup a bit. To his side, Merida wasn't dazzled by the sparkly trinkets like normal girls would be; she too just found the glowing to be a marvel.

"We should probably walk away." Hiccup suggested, his eyes on the delicate crafts work bears on one small necklace.

"Take your own advice." Merida told him, she paid attention to the form of the bat-winged creature on a large, thick neck-brace.

In Hiccup's mind, still warm and swimmy, the bear had an epic story ready to be told. He could imagine it being wonderful but the boney hand that was grabbing his shoulder distracted him.

Hiccup shivered then looked at the wrinkly face smiling at him. Gender was not obvious, and it was missing teeth and seemed to very much prefer a dark wardrobe.

"See anything you like, deary?" one mystery down, the old thing was a female. Or at least use to be.

Hiccup tried grinning to cover his discomfort but scooting away from her didn't hide much.

Merida felt dizzy with familiarity and suspicion. "Do I know you?"

"I've never seen you before in my life." The witch said, and then went around to put her arms around both young people. "Can I interest you in a new dandy, princess? Ohh!"

The witch let go of Merida to grab a pendant. Hiccup was still in her arm as she put the cat-eye green jewel in his face.

"Does this tickle your fancy?" He looked at it, as to avoid looking at her, and the young Vikking could almost see that the jewel was changing pupil size.

"Uhh, no. Not interested." He slipped out of the hold and gestured with his face to Merida. His lips read 'let's leave. Now!'

They were both turned away from the cart but the Witch was still in their way.

"I've got too much in my cart; I'm dying to just give it all away!"

Not enjoying the desperation from the old witch, Merida pushed Hiccup to go past her. "Sorry, but even with both our money put together we probably couldn't afford a single thing."

The short black figure continued to circle them; when they stepped left she was two inched away.

"You must not have heard the part of me giving thing away." She twisted her empty hand, palm towards her, then when palm was down the smallest pendant of them all was in her hand.

It was gold, like they all were, but with the thinnest gold string to hold the round, flat little gem. It seemed to be cracked across the middle; like an angry lightning bolt.

The witch grabbed Hiccup's hand and made his finger curl around the stone. "Either keep it or get away from my cart!"

Merida and Hiccup exchanged an ironic look quickly, and then Hiccup smiled and said, "Pleasure doing business with you."

Merida walked faster, tugging Hiccup behind her as the witch finally let them leave without fuss.

"I say we bury it, or throw it in a tree." Merida looked up to see which tree was higher or had a good digging branch.

Hiccup wasn't attached to the pendant so he didn't mind her ideas. "Okay."

He tried throwing it to a random tree- it didn't go far. Merida watched it drop from a very close distance, she kneeled down wrapped the string around itself and threw it much farther.

"Nice." Hiccup said drily; he was use to being unsatisfactory in things that required muscle. Bitterness was a waste of his time.

"You throw like a girl." Merida said with good humor intended. Hiccup made a mock hurt face, causing Merida to make a mock-haughty face in return.

Feeling warmer, Hiccup realized it was morning. He slowly yawned and stretched, opened his eyes to remember where he was.

The night was slowly coming back; met a girl at a hookah tent, didn't hate her, they went to find Toothless, found a weird cart, left the weird cart, got lost in the woods and decided it'd be easier to find their way out in the morning. They slept on the ground, not very comfortable but a bark mattress wasn't too cozy.

His head felt like it just got off something really soft so maybe he felt asleep on a family of squirrels last night.

Eyes barely opened, he nudged the body next to him and said, "Time to wake before the neighbors get the wrong idea."

Hiccup knew he had said this, but the voice he heard say it was Merida's. Confusion made his eyes open all the way; he saw the same bluish trees of the forest he was lost in. but the body next to him looked freakishly familiar.

Slim frame, brown pants and vest, green sleeves and bronze hair…. also the other body next to the one he was sitting in had a faux left leg.

Trembling, Hiccup lifted the hands that he could control; they were pretty, polished and slightly callused girl fingers; the sleeves were a dark blue he knew he wouldn't wear.

He used the hands to feel his face; round and plush, his hair; frizzy and bright orange, and going from down his shoulders he felt breasts placed on his chest.

He gave them a squeeze; they were squishy and real but did not delight him.

One good scream shook the other person who had his body.

"Shut it, ya great Tumshie heid!" Hiccup heard his nasally voice say- it sounded extra funny with the accent the girl came with.

Unhappy to be awake, Merida grouchily looked at what she expected was some scared girly stranger; instead she saw herself scared.

Something quite improbable since it wasn't a mirror.

She grabbed at the flat hair on the head she was in, the muscle-less body and looked down to understand the missing feeling in her left leg.

Panic filling in her, she looked at her true body for answers.

The equally confused but less frantic face nodded and said, "Yeah, it's me."

Merida screamed in Hiccup's voice. Hiccup screamed in the feminine voice he now had; they just screamed in unison for a good three minutes.

After the screaming, they huffed and puffed and tried to calm themselves down.

"I got it all out of me. You?" Hiccup asked, looking down at the dress he was now wearing.

Merida nodded while biting her lip. "I think so."


	2. and then what happens next

CH2

Hiccup inhaled one last good amount and looked at the girl trapped in his body. "Sleep well?"

"Why bawbag did this happen!" Merida stood up in Hiccup's body, but it wasn't easy because she wasn't use to his leg.

"Careful." Hiccup tried to help her up, but was pushed away angrily.

"Oh stop it! Where the devil is that pendant?!" She demanded, twisting all over to try and see it.

"Lost in some Thor forsaken tree right now- why does that matter?" He asked, then blew her frizzy hair out of his view.

"Don't you get it; we've been cursed by a witch! We need that pendant to read the instructions of why!" Merida explained, even though it seemed right there to be seen.

"And why would magic instructions be on there?" Hiccup asked, not familiar with enchanted jewelry.

"What else are we going to look at? The invisible shop?!" She was exasperated enough to choke her own self.

"Okay, take it down an octave." Hiccup told himself; with Merida's voice covered with his dry tone instead of her Scottish accent (like his father's, which he would not grow into for a few more years).

Merida considered trying to explain how serious this issue was (she was tugging on Hiccup's face in annoyance) but if he didn't get it yet then she'd save more time just leaving. "Just stay here and don't hurt me."

Ignoring the weirdness of the fake foot, Merida walked off at a respectable speed. She noticed her body following her; she wasn't happy to see it at the moment but like that the soul in it wasn't too lazy. "Uh, like I'm gonna let my body wonder off in the woods of mystery. I'm pretty sure you threw it this way and (insert fancy math language) it should've landed over there."

Merida raised Hiccup's eyebrow, "You aren't as hopeless as the noodle-arms suggest."

"Thank you, sir." Hiccup said in an extra high voice.

Hiccup's calculation was right on the target, about eight feet high in a tree.

"Ladies first?" Hiccup gestured Merdia's arms to the tree meant for climbing.

"I'm not even sure how to respond to that." Merida said in such deadpan Hiccup almost thought he _was _looking at himself. "I know I'm physically stronger, so up you go, missy."

Uneasy bright teal eyes looked at the high tree, but then he sighed and grabbed a branch.

"This is not easy in a dress, I may remind you!" Hiccup told her as he made his way up.

Merida leaned against the tree and picked at Hiccup's fingernails. "I'm not risking breaking your neck with this bad leg. Keep it up, you're the man!"

Hiccup rolled Merida's eyes. "We gotta stop these jokes before it gets out of hand."

In his mind Hiccup made a pro and con list of the dress; he still preferred pants but the breeze wasn't too bad.

On the ground, Merida was exploring Hiccup's vest; it came with a shiny little blade (not bad), a funny little tool (it had a little button that switched miniature weapons) and a black whistle in the shape of something bat-like.

Out of curiosity, Merida put the whistle to Hiccup's lips. At the same speed the whistle went to the lips, Merida's hand reached out for the pendant Hiccup saw.

He grabbed it with his girly, sweaty fingers then heard the whistle he made for Toothless. The shock of hearing it shook his balance and Merida heard her body fall from the eight feet into a convenient bush.

She turned around to see Hiccup(in her dress and skin) slowly stretching out of the bush. "Ouchies."

"Did you get it before falling?" She asked through his lips.

"So you did notice the fall part. Yeah, I got it." He held up the accursedly evil pendant.

With nothing broken or fractured in Merida's body, the two kids stood close to read the scribbling around the gem.

"It's in Latin." Hiccup stated.

Merida could see it too. "Yeah, I know that; and yet it's still gibberish. _Know your place_, pfft." She missed twirling her long hair; it was something she did when anxious.

"Good news is it'll only last until the next full moon; that's a month from now." Hiccup was being factual but then it hit him. "I'm going to have to live with a family of squirrels on my head for a month."

"I'm a foot shorter than I use to be (she then blinked angrily) what's wrong with my hair?! " Merida put Hiccup's hands on his hips.

"Nothing, but would you mind if it's circumference lessened a bit?" Hiccup grabbed a hand full of Merida's bright, bouncy hair, like he was testing lengths she could be comfortable with.

Merida was about to say she thought she'd sooner chop of his hand than let it touch her hair- but that didn't come out because they were interrupted by a familiar growl.

They turned to their right to see Toothless had jumped into the scene. Since hearing the whistle made for him, he'd run to his rider. All the way from the parking lot of other enchanted beasts and chariots, and pass three lost boys.

Merida's face smiled at finally seeing the best dragon a boy could ask for. But Hiccup's favorite creature's eyes were concentrating on the figure of his favorite human. And Hiccup saw that his face was less than excited at seeing the Nightfury.

He also noticed she was heading for the little blade he knew was in the vest.

"Don't!" Hiccup begged her quickly, he put her hand over his and tried to explain, "this is Toothless; my dragon, my best pal and the last living thing in this world you- or I would ever harm."

"What do I do with it?" Merida asked through barely open lips.

Hiccup got behind his body and gently pushed it- Merida didn't put up a fight because she trusted Hiccup wouldn't feed himself to a dragon.

"Just pet his noise."

With a thin finger, Merida put his index finger on the scaly, flat face for a second then pulled it back.

This lack of affection made Toothless' pupils dilate and go pouty.

Hiccup did not like the view. "Have you ever had a pet before?"

"Horse; much softer." Merida told him, she looked into the creature's big sad eyes. In her soft side, she felt pity for the animal. She looked at her face then back at the dragon and put a full hand out to its face.

Merida hears a rumbling purr sound in Toothless' throat. She relaxes and gives him a better pat. This encouraged a lick she was not ready for- with his big forked tongue, Toothless went for the face- causing the rest of his rider's body to move away from the embrace.

Toothless was confused and sad again, Hiccup didn't like seeing that. "Step backwards; go to him!"

"Give me a break, I've never been so close to a giant lizard before." Merida didn't enjoy feeling like a coward.

"Well he's use to me coddling him, so both our sakes _show him love_!" Merida's hand grabbed Hiccup's and Toothless had to watch his best friend be pushed next to him.

Merida took a deep breathe into Hiccup's lungs and stared at the dragon again, more determined. "Hey there….you…want a…hug?"

Hiccup threw Merida's head back, "Oh Gods I can't believe I'm hearing me say this."

Sick of his complaints, the Princess got a stiff upper lip and pushed the hands off Hiccup's shoulders.

She walked up to Toothless, who held up a paw in defense but didn't push her away.

Merida, who made Hiccup's eyes look fierier than Toothless was use to, grabbed the nighfury's face. He wasn't cold, not exactly warm either, but putting preference aside, Merida pulled the weird lizard face to Hiccup's lips and gave the dragon a wittle kiss.

"Are ya happy now?" the dragon heard his rider ask.

Toothless put his head to the side, raised an eyebrow as he lowered his eyelids. Before Merida could guess how fast it'd take for him to eat her (in Hiccup's form) the dragon started to rub against her. Not very roughly, though Merida could still feel the strength in his limbs and better examined his wings. The pushing wasn't annoying, she figured out he was trying to play cute so she went with it.

She kept Hiccup's eyes on the dragon's cheeky face. With happy memories of Angus in mind, Merida's feelings for the reptile improved.

Now this was an image Hiccup was comfortable with seeing. But inside he was a little jealous of not being the one in the tangle. "Okay, now lead him back to me-

Merida had Toothless' neck in her grasp, she heard half of what she (Hiccup) said.

Merida gave the dragon an affectionate noggie. Toothless wasn't use to his rider being so rough but the little human smiles always brightened the dragon's day.

"Uh, hello, the true dragon trainer over here; wanting dragon…sometime soon…" Hiccup put his hands on his hips- then became distracted on how they curved. The soft curve of a girl body... his rational side felt only fingers on material that was on him and it didn't do much. He wasn't interest in playing with himself because this wasn't him nor did it feel right: ethically or physically.

"Getting familiar with your new home for the time, aye?" The princess inquired playfully while still hugging the dragon.

Hiccup stopped touching at his girl hips and looked what really lit his heart on fire. "He seems to like you well enough."

Merida smiled with Hiccup's mouth. "I got a Clydesdale back home, who's almost as sweet as this giant frog."

From Toothless' perspective, Hiccup was friendly and loving; which was normal. But almost polite with touching, which was horribly bizarre.

In the boy's eyes, it was like his was a new toy. When the dragon look at the female human, the eyes looked deeper like Toothless was his favorite toy ever. Talk about weird on the reptile's side.

Crack

The tiniest branch being stepped on alerted Toothless that something was coming toward were he and the humans were. Not smelling like friends, Toothless' ears dropped and he let his teeth retract.

The growling pushed Merida back a few steps.

"Your boy here doesn't sense something he likes."

Hiccup walked over to his dragon, standing so that they were facing east together. His human eyes didn't see anything but he trusted the dragon.

"It could be pirates, or trolls maybe." Hiccup suggested, pushing red hair out of his face (again).

"Or Vikings. Does your dragon like the taste of horny bastards?" Merida asked, putting her fingers on Hiccup's hidden dagger.

Hiccup scrunched Merdia's face and turned it to show he'd been offended. "Yeah, uh he wouldn't bite the hand that feeds him."

Watching Merida make a confused Hiccup face only lasted a moment, then just wide eye shock. "Wait, you?"

Hiccup rolled Merida's eyes. "What, were you expecting someone with more beard and blood stains?"

"Well you could've at least worn the horny hat, ye bastard." Merida was embarrassed so she tried covering it with anger.

Hiccup dropped Merida's chin in astonishment. "Oh of all the trite stereotypes-"

The insults were hushed when Toothless pounced at a bush, growling ferociously.

Hearing a high pitch scream that Merida would compare to a sow, she dropped her anxiety.

"Macintosh, ya bam." Merida shook her new head in pity.

"Toothless, down!" Hiccup commanded, but in Merida's voice the dragon ignored it.

Putting action before thinking, as to help Merida's friend, Hiccup ran to his dragon. Under the dragon's front paws was a young man with blue tattoos; he wasn't getting mulled, but was plenty terrified of the Nightfury's many teeth.

Merida, as Hiccup, was on the opposite side of the beast; unsure what exactly would help because the animal was too good to hurt.

With Merida's hand, Hiccup scratched that one little spot that makes all dragons into jelly.

In pure pleasure, Toothless felt all his muscles limp and the dragon rolled to the side.

"Wow. You two spend a lot of time together, huh?" the observing Princess stated.

Hiccup had Merida's cheeks blush a little. "I guess you could say-"

He was interrupted when he saw the boy that was under his dragon jump up and attack Hiccup's body.

Real-Hiccup would've gotten hurt then, but Merida as Hiccup was a bit quicker.

Despite the bad leg, Merida could still take Hiccup's little dagger and use it in defense against the sword Macintosh tried to pull on her.

"Nice job taking that slimy monster thing out the way, Mare Mare! " Macintosh said to the princess, keeping his eyes on the short dude; the bratty short dude who really shouldn't be hanging out alone in the forest with Macintosh's princess friend.

"That is a stupid nickname." Merida said, in Hiccup's voice, and it was something ignored obviously even in her real voice.

"Hey, no one asked you, shorty!" Macintosh tried slashing at Hiccup's body again. Merida was too fast, she kept Hiccup's thin body away from the blade with better grace than Hiccup tried before.

"Macintosh! This is ridiculous, would you listen to me-" Merida wanted to explain before she was forced to hurt him.

Hiccup didn't like being useless, so he looked for a really big stick. His plan; knock out tall guy, tie him up then explain the situation, all very simple.

He turned Merida's body to look for the stick, "Give me a second."

Merida kept trying to talk while avoiding the sword; the boy was strong. "I'm not what you think I am; Merida is me and I-"

"Oh, in your dreams you little dweeb!" Macintosh got very close as he denied what he didn't wanna hear.

Annoyed with his arrogance (really it was amazing she made it this long) Merida avoided a swipe, then stepped closer to Macintosh's torso to give a few blows.

Hiccup found a decent, heavy branch and calmly waited for his opportunity to put in a hit.

Watching himself beat up this tall, well-toned guy was interesting brain food; it was weird watching himself from the side, but Hiccup also thought it was funny how Merida kept her strength.

What broke him out from his thinking was Toothless growling from under his fluffy cloud of delight; someone else was around. Hiccup put Merida's bright blue eyes in every direction. In a tree above Merida as Hiccup, whom had Macintosh a little scared and bent, there was a…giant squirrel?

Wee Dingwall jumped from the high branch on to the top of Hiccup's head. Merida didn't sense it coming, so the tugging and pulling distracted her. Hiccup didn't have nearly as much hair as her but she still felt it while Dingwall bit the ear she was connected to.

And that was the queue to step in; Hiccup lifted the branch, analyzing the best point to hit the squirrel instead of Merida/his body.

He ran, the dress made it uneasy, Hiccup felt totally in power- until someone threw a potato at his head at the just right speed and angle to knock him out.

In Merida's body, Hiccup fell to his side- becoming as limp as his dragon and seeing little stars twirling around the bouncy curls.

Merida had slammed Dingwall into tree, about four times, until his body hurt enough to let go.

She felt guiltily for hurting his pals, but she tried to warn him; just because she was wearing Hiccup's face, and speaking with his voice, that didn't mean people couldn't listen to her.

The princess stood in the Viking boy's body, her friends holding themselves sadly and her body unconscious.

"Alright boys, that's enough horseplay; this is all silly, but I am Pri-"

WHAM

Another potato to the head; this time right on Hiccup's left ear, knocking Merida out cold.

McGuffin came out from the trees; he got there last because he wanted to try being sneaky. Well, that and he wasn't the type to lead an army into battle.

Macintosh continued to rub his hurting abs, but his head straightened up enough to say, "You hit Mare Mare; I thought you were working on your aim!"

"Ji buvo apie smogti jums, turinti filialą!" The large boy tried to explain.

Dingwall rubbed his back, "Why would she try to hit him with a branch? She was probably going after the pervert who was attacking her with his dragon."

That was not what he saw, but McGuffin didn't argue because he saw it as futile.

Standing straight, Macintosh went to Hiccup's unconscious body. "This little perv was roughing up our Princess, men."

Macintosh kicked the kick that laid a good amount of damage on him; it didn't fight back then.

"I say we pants him and hang him upside down; whatcha say, lads?" Macintosh excited suggested.

The other two were hovering around the Nighfury; he rumbled but was stayed under the layers of bliss.

"Lads, that thing didn't budge the whole time; let get to unpantsing!" balling his hands and punching the air, Macintosh wanted them to join his glee.

His failure to encourage them was officially done with when some really big and solid clouds came above.

The boys figured they were birds; not the cleverest idea but they didn't know what else could fly. McGuffin picked up (Hiccup in ) Merida's body, gently and held the it securely in his thick arms.

"I think we're getting some company." Dingwall stated; his dull expression didn't change. Then again, other than in battle it rarely did.

The shadows didn't belong to birds, shocking as that might be, but much larger creatures; scaleyer, fire breathing type creatures.

With their backs to backs, the boys kept their heads up. The dragons descended with roars and screeches. Macintosh hugged Dingwall as the hideous, monstrous dragons surrounded them.

Off the dragons hopped some kids that were not less frightening than their pets.

The dragons had fangs, claws and horns; and their riders had horns and devilish smiles.

"Now what do we have here?" asked a guy with curved horns on his hat.

Dingwall kept hugging Macintosh; they had their backs to McGuffin who was still holding Merida's body. None of them considered the thought of fighting back people with giant, people eating pets.

To Dingwall's north was the curved-horn guy, to the east was a guy who seemed extremely familiar for some reason, the west had a girl without horns but a spikey skirt and behind him McGuffin was looking at some mischievous looking twins.

"Seems like a party," the male twin said, grinning wickedly.

"That we weren't invited to" his sister continued.

"That's not cool." Tuffnut concluded.

The girl with the spikey skirt walked to the unconscious, skinny body she knew. Dingwall could tell from just a short look on her face that she was not happy.

"Oh, very uncool. And very stupid." Each word was pronounced menacingly, she showed only one furious eye, and other was covered by her blonde bang.


	3. 3 Hiccup knocks you out!

CH3

The bed she was laying in was as a soft as a stone floor. Merida, lying on her back, carefully rubbed her hand on the wood she was laying on. She considered maybe she'd fallen asleep on a boat, on her way home.

The princess was partly right: like how she felt only part of her left leg. Sitting up, Merida ran a hand down her leg; the first weird part was the pants she wore weren't satiny. The second was she was wearing pants.

When Merida put a hand on the wooden stub and felt the metal foot-thing at the end. She put a hand over her mouth to cover a shriek. The princess realized her insane dream was still real and she was still wearing the wrong skin.

And now she was in the wrong ship, or at least a ship Merida had never seen before and that wasn't a good start. Before she could properly freak out, Merida heard the door creak open. The archer grabbed the blanket from her side, and lay back down to pretend to sleep.

The twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut, creeped in as quietly as they could, closing the door behind them.

"He still sleeping?" Tuffnut whispered.

Merida felt a finger jam into Hiccup's shoulder. She didn't move; the trapped girl didn't know these people she waited to see if they were friends or fiends.

Ruffnut grinned and told her brother, "Yep, unless you want me to ask."

Taking the bowl of water from behind his back and walked to the table next to Hiccup's resting place.

Gently taking his arm, Ruffnut carefully lifted it and placed it in the bowl.

Biting her fist to keep the laughing down, Ruffnut heard her brother say. "We should sneak into rooms more often."

Okay, not friends; Merida thought, then with the hand in the water she grabbed bowl, sat up and threw the water in Tuffnut's face.

Even with their plan spoiled, it was an interesting surprise to the tall girl. "Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

On deck, the other teens, their dragons and Fishlegs' uncle Crackpot were seeing Berk coming to view.

Astrid and Fishlegs were leaning against the ship's side. Snotlout was twiddling a stick to be a sharper stick.

"Is something missing?" Fishlegs asked because things seemed too quiet on board.

He was answered by seeing the door to the lower deck open and Tuffnut being thrown onto his back.

The others looked over at him but not excitedly.

"Couldn't you find a place for Ruffnut to kick your butt where unconscious people aren't sleeping?" Astrid asked, annoyed that the twins went into Hiccup's room.

"He's conscious. And I think Loki's got in him." Tuffnut rubbed his bruising right cheek.

Snotlout was impressed by the color of the smack. "Whoa, your sister's getting the better of you. Weak, man."

The long haired boy said, "Like hellheim, and this wasn't her it was-"

From the same door, Ruffnut and Hiccup came out holding on each other's shirts and using their right hooks to smack each other.

The others didn't take seeing Hiccup smack a girl weird; they took him smacking anyone out of this world.

"You gammy little-" in the light of day, that wasn't available in the lower deck, the girl 'Hiccup' saw was- shockingly enough- a girl!

"-girl?" in his shock, he let Ruffnut smack him hard in the shoulder. Deciding to support equal treatment, Hiccup pulled the long-horned helmet down- not for blinding Ruffnut, more to let her brain spin. Hiccup beat on the helmet enough time to disorientate her; the helmet was starting to squeeze around her forehead, so when Ruffnut reached out to grab or punch she met only air. She didn't know Hiccup was behind her, but she figured it out when he kicked her down with his shoe-wearing foot.

Hiccup watched the girl rub her back, the fight out of her. "Okay, you win."

Never before had Hiccup (actually Merida) seen another girl in a fight before. Queen Eleanor didn't count because she wasn't a human woman at the time of her great battle.

Both the twins were rubbing their wounds, leaving Hiccup the victor and the center of some wide eyes.

Hiccup looked at the faces staring at him; they were Vikings but remembering Hiccup was a Viking, Merida decided these were friends.

"Umm….hey?" Hiccup waved a little hand to the other three.

They turned their back to him and huddled.

"What do you think it is this time?" Snotlout asked, hoping it was something he could adapt and be cooler at.

"What's bigger than a dragon? Uhh, a unicorn? A griffin?" Fishlegs wondered to the other; not particularly interested in new animals.

"What's a unicorn?" Snotlout asked, imagining a cob of corn…then feeling hungry, wondering what was waiting at home.

"It's a majestic animal that like poking eyes out and outrunning others." Fishlegs explained; thinking of its picture…yeah, nowhere near as cute as Meatlug.

Snotlout nodded, then put on an alluring smile. "Oh, like Astrid."

Rolling her eyes for the fifteenth time that day, the blonde turned to Hiccup; her eyes suspicious but underneath concerned.

"Hiccup, are you feeling alright?" Astrid walked up closer than he'd anticipate her to be.

Hiccup's eyes went up and down her body: not for its shape, but for the decorations and style.

"Fetching outfit ya got there! I didn't know girls could dress so braw!" Hiccup told her sincerely. Astrid wanted to accept the compliment but she could see the boy's eyes were on her boots, not her.

"You've really lost it this time, haven't you?" Astrid didn't ask so much; it was more of a challenge to be told she was wrong.

"Ouw, now that's a bit of alright." Hiccup fast-walked to the large sword behind Snotlout. It was just leaning against the ship, but Hiccup hadn't seen such a heavy, well-crafted piece of steal ever before.

He was about to hold the handle when a big, red, spiky tail took it out of sight. Following the path of the sword, he saw the tail connected to the huge, black spiked, and red body of Hookfang. The dragon's eyes were bored, and unthreatening; meeting the little black dragon earlier had taken the shock away from him, but Hiccup still wasn't use to huge reptiles with mouths bigger than his torso.

"Whoa, big boy aren't cha?" Hiccup walked backwards from the beast, continuing to confuse the others even further.

Hiccup turned his head over his shoulder to ask, "What do ya feed him? Fifty villagers a week?"

That little comment got a roar that would've knocked the boy over, if the Nightmare's rider weren't rubbing his back neck.

"How dare you sir! He's in the best shape of his life! " Snotlout cooed his dragon, who tried to act like he didn't like it.

Remembering that dragons were pets with these people, Hiccup went along with it. "Alright, don't bite me head off."

Taking a minute to soak in more than the warrior girls, cool weapons and the one huge red dragon, Hiccup noticed the ship was covered with the fire-breathing reptiles. Each had a unique shape, color pattern, face, and wing ratio; and all in all they were just….

"Beautiful…" Hiccup whispered, deep in the rapture of the sight of them.

Tuffnut had popped his shoulder back into place, and then stomped toward Astrid and Fishleggs.

"Yeah, that is not Hiccup! (Pointing at Hiccup, then louder) You're not Hiccup!" Tuffnut said louder.

Considering how weird was too old a word and had lost it's meaning, Fishleggs considered out-loud. "We could've picked up someone just similar looking…."

Toothless had woken up from his glee of paralyzingly nice scratches and went to his rider. Hiccup jumped a little when the dragon rubbed his elbow, but after a look into the creature's face, he was more welcoming. It wasn't as cozy as their friendship usually was but it was friendly enough to pacify the dragon.

Another unexpected nudge on the shoulder, Hiccup turned around to the blonde with the cool outfit.

"Who do you think you are?" the girl asked; not loving having to be reassured like this.

Looking at the Astrid's serious face, with just the tiniest hint of concern behind the eyes, Hiccup saw he needed to explain things. Telling the truth was one option; the worst they could assume was he was insane. Also, they could want their real Hiccup back and the Merida inside Hiccup wouldn't get the fun of living as a real warrior for a month…a month off of Princess duties, learning etiquette in turn for playing with swords and girls who like to battle; not to mention tall boys with thick muscles and no rules.

With a proud yet sad face, Hiccup told the Berk teenagers: "I know my name is Hiccup, I'm very attached to my dragon Toothy-"

Noogies the dragon's flat face while Astrid correct him with, "Tooth-less!"

Waves a hand off, "Close enough, I've got Father issues I'm working through- which have nothing to do with being 4.7 in a tribe of brawny Vikings- something that doesn't stop being funny-, "

The males nodded in agreement, then Hiccup let go of the pride a bit and said, "That's all I remember before I was hit by the potato."

Hiccup made his eyes go all wide and pathetic, "I don't remember anything else…"

Hiccup pouted, Toothless nudged his chest while Fishleggs snapped his fingers.

"I get it! The potato to the head gave you amnesia!"

"I could go for some amnesia; that stuff's the drink of the god's." Sntolout complained from the back. Ruffnut had her cracked helmet off as she rubbed her head.

"That's ambrosia, thought it causes memory lost so..." Astrid shrugged without care, then put her care went to looking at Hiccup. "Is that all true? Really?"

"Astrid, don't be heartless!" Fishleggs couldn't believe Astrid of all people doubted poor Hiccup's words. "Look at that sincere little face!"

Tuffnut and his sister went to hug Hiccup.

In the embrace of double forgiveness, Hiccup looked around to see everyone bought his little fib.

"I'm so lucky to have friends like you…."

He took a moment of silence in, and then clapped his hands together. "Alright, what's a boy gotta do to get a little fun around here?"

Snotlout and Fishleggs exchanged a look while the twins just smiled.

"He's like moist clay!" Ruffnut told her brother.

Tuffnut put an arm around Hiccup. "Welcome to the first day of the rest of your new life, our little mentee."

Hiccup saw the isle of Berk come into view. More dragons were hovering around the shores, all the people were square shapes of generous gumption and last he checked Vikings lived for pure melee…the little girl inside him resisted a squeal of delight.


	4. 4 the Agreeable Princess

Ch4

This was the most plush and cottony bed Hiccup had ever felt before; his back was aching.

With his eyes still closed, he stretched his arms and yawned. Trying to remember what had happened before and why everything felt like it was covered in feathers.

Hiccup was bending his legs to sit up better, when he felt more than one foot touch the too-soft surface.

Eye completely open, Hiccup saw the bed pole with nixes in them, the open closest full of dresses and the target sheet with arrows on it.

With a queasy stomach, Hiccup took the hands he could control and put them on his chest. Merida's breasts were lovely and squishy and Hiccup's mind and soul was still stuck in her girl-body.

"Oh Gods." Hiccup dropped Merida's fluffy head back to the pillows he didn't like. His way of dealing with the panic was by idly observing the room, trying to find humor in the mundane. From the shiny dresses and the craftsmanship of everything in there Hiccup gathered that Merida was wealthy. It made sense with her 'do-what-ever-she-wants' attitude.

Queen Elinor didn't bother to knock because 1) she was Merida's mother, 2) she was the queen and asked permission from no one.

"Oh thank heaven. You were sleeping like the dead! We were considering putting the young McGuffin on trial." The Queen said as she stroked her daughter's head.

Merida said nothing; her large eyes just stared at the tiara on Elinor's head.

Noticing the confusion, Elinor smiled and said, "Just a jest, my darlin, goodness you look pale."

She put a hand under Merida's chin and Elinor watched her swallow.

"Merida, is something wrong with you?" The concerned mother asked.

Perking up, Merida smiled and said "No, Mother, everything is just dandy!"

This did not comfort Elinor in the slightest. "Dandy?"

After a little cough, the princess straightened up, "Is that out of character? I think I'm a little whoozy from before so I might not make a lot of sense today."

There was something off about Merida's voice, it was like she was trying to speak normally but trying at it so hard it made it more fake.

"Is that a fact, Merida?" Elinor's top eyelids dropped and her face became a little cool.

With a very innocent-looking face, Merida softly said, "Yes, mother, I promise. "

Why lie to the Queen? Because the truth was unbelievable and would probably lead to being tied on a boat and being shipped off to the unknown.

Elinor stared at what looked like her daughter for a few moments then said. "Very well. Would you like your meals to be brought here or can you make it to the dinning hall?"

"Oh, um, I'm not hungry." Not something the real Merida would ever say, but this imposter still tried to imitate her by saying, in an assertive tone, "I would just like to start my day as normal as possible, what would you recommend doing first?"

The real Merida would be able to see past Elinor's coolness to the furious suspicion inside. " After you dress, we can start the lessons of the day; arithmetic, classic literature, geometry- "

"Golly, I don't know how out of the ordinary this is, but I would love to start with geometry today!" Looking at maps would be a great way to start a way out of this mess.

Elinor put her hands together and said, "As you wish; let us go to the map room."

It wasn't until they were walking down dark stairs towards what looked like a dungeon did Merida ask,

"Is this really where we keep the maps, mom?"

Hiccup had just about figured he'd failed at thespianism, but maybe there was a chance the Queen was stupid and she really did have a quirky castle of confusing rooms.

With light in one hand, Elinor turned around and her unhappy face obvious against it's glow.

"Don't you remember this is always where we keep the maps, Merida. Why would you question me? Do you think I'd lie to you? " Elinor's eyes were like glaciers on a path to crush whatever was in her way.

Okay, the Queen wasn't stupid. Merida didn't say anything.

The princess was three steps behind Elinor, they were equal in height just then.

"You're not a fey because the first words out of your mouth were untruths. I am giving you one last chance to be honest with me or spend the rest of your years in a cell."

Over cakes and tea, Hiccup told the Queen all that had happened since he'd meet Merida. Since the potato to the head, Elinor explained to him that Merida's friends were in a brawl against some Viking youths and it ended with both parties taking their respective parties home. Or they thought they did.

"Vikings?" Elinor asked in worry.

"Yes, where's she now being treated as a beloved member of ruffians, ne'er-do-wells and vagabonds." Hiccup drily explained, annoyed with the prejudice against his village.

"Oh Heavens, I hope not…she'd enjoy that too much." The Queen rubbed the space between her eyes and told a long sip of tea.

Hiccup looked to the side and nodded his head, "I have to say you're taking this all in extremely well, your highness."

After she finished her sip the Queen told whom-looked-like-her-daughter, "You have a sincere face, child. I have reason, from just listening to how you speak, to believe you are no more a criminal than you are a victim of magical circumstance."

Meeting someone so down-to-earth and sympathetic was a miracle thing to Hiccup. He smiled at his good fortune and asked, "Thank you, your highness. Really, I can't imagine how anyone else in the world would be as understanding about something as insane as this."

The sides of the Queen's mouth angled upward a bit. "I have personal experience in mystical inconvenience, and what made it manageable was I had at least one person who knew the truth. "

Making a tiny smile with Merida's lips, Hiccup took that in and asked for nothing more.

The Queen put her cup on the table between them and put on her business-face.

"Right then, as I put crew together you may use our maps to pin-point where we shall navigate to find your isle and my daughter" Before she's elected their leader.

There were a few facts Hiccup kept to himself about the isle of Berk and his life. One fact unmentioned was Merida had a different gender now.

"Oh and, young miss, there are a few things we need make clear now while we're alone." The Queen knew that this was all mad and madness wasn't good for the kingdom, so her demands of Hiccup were-

"You must stay out of public sight and silently stay at my side at all time, if not confide yourself to Merida's room until this whole ordeal is done with."

Hiccup nodded, "I was that bad at playing the princess?"

"Horrid is too kind a word. I will tell the castle Merida is ill to avoid suspicion from your polite and agreeable nature." The strange truth is the girl Elinor was starting at had all the grace of character Merida couldn't show on her best day.

"I think that's wise, your highness." Hiccup nodded his head, liking how this was all going.

Elinor knew her daughter to be a bright, kind, very capable young woman who'd succeed in ruling superbly. BUT as a teenager she was too wild and passionate to keep her head on serious matters. She wouldn't want her daughter any other way…though having this obedience child under her wing wasn't so awful for a moment.

As they made their way to the dinning hall and family, Elinor was giving 'Merida' advice on how to fool her husband and sons.

"So I cannot tell new-Dad about his little girl's big adventure?" Merida asked, totally fine with that plan because she wanted to make a good impression on this dad.

Sure it wouldn't change her relationship with her Stoic but what use is it to throw out an alternative fish?

"The King has never had much patience with witchcraft. It would be pragmatic to not disclose this information to him." Her posture was unmatchable and Merida respected that the Queen knew who she was talking about.

"Oh, and try to pronounce you're_ a_ in a deep richness, instead of your quick-mouthed Northern tone."

"As you wish, mum." Merida tried to place her tongue in the right settings- she wasn't the worst at vocal imitation.

"Now you don't have to do this every night, this is just to pacify the King whom is worried for his daughter." The Queen told her.

Merida nodded, then had to catch her balance. Did she trip over the dress that dragged on the floor or the extra foot she had gotten use to not having; Merida debated it in her head.

At the table was King Fergus; his mouth full of peasant smiled widely when he saw his daughter was still alive.

Looking at the huge size of new-Dad, Merida held back from rolling her eyes. _I could be turned into a rabbit, a cute, fluffy little animal and still get a father who'd be able to crush skulls with his powerful hind legs, _she thought.

After a rib-cracking hug, Merida met her little brother Hubert. Elinor wasn't paying attention to her because she was explaining to her husband the reasons (she'd invented) for Merida's unfamiliarity.

"Aww, my favorite little buddy." The princess said as she was about to bend down to the little rugrat but he ran through a door at her right.

Considering he may be shy, Merida turned around to her left to see the same little face at the left door.

_Faster than a Nightfury leaving an eel party_, Merida thought but said out loud, "Are you playing with me?"

Trying to smile through the confusion, the tall ginger tried to walk up to the short ginger.

Not trusting this imposter to be his real sister, Hamish ran behind the table and out of sight.

Before she had time to think of even trying to follow the small boy, something tugged on the back of her skirt.

Turning around to see Harris with his arms crossed, Merida had come up with the idea that she may be dealing with twins.

She had in mind to take a step back, get on one knee to match his sights and have a nice conversation about how Big Sister was always going to be there for her brothers.

As Merida put on a kindly face, Harris unexpectedly took out a long stick and poking her in the nose.

This didn't hurt as much as it surprised her- though no as much as Hubert and Hamish with a rope that tripped her from behind.

She landed on her bum without saying anything, and with impressive speed the triplets tied her up.

Before she could yell for help, Hamish put a fat cake in her mouth. Merida took a second to appreciate how tight the knots were on her side.

Harris stood on her knees and squinted his eyes at her. The fake princess knew that the little princes knew she wasn't the real deal.

With his index and middle finger, Harris made a gesture from his eyes to fake-Merida's eyes; anyone could translate it as "we're watching you."

_Should I be more concerned with them blowing my cover or the fact that I was taken down by dwarves? _

These were Merida's thoughts as she swallowed the last of the cake.

As Elinor and Fergus came into the dinning room again, they saw the heartwarming image of the triplets hugging their big sister. She was no longer tied up and it seemed the boys were willing to put with the charade to see her true intentions.

On both her knee, Merida had one brother in her arms, one hugging her side and on top her ecstatic hair.

Behind the hug, Merida whispered to Hamish,

"No one's going to get hurt, I promise."

The little Prince knew he shouldn't believe anything he was told, so he gave the stranger one last stink eye then hopped away from the 'Princess'.

"How ya feelin, my darlin?" Fergus cautiously asked his only daughter.

"Invincible and welcomed by all, Da". Merida said with such grand irony it sounded that much more sincere.

With a meaty hand on her shoulder, Fergus said, "Don't ye worry, we'll get your marbles all together again soon."

From inside of Merida's dress and shoes, Hiccup learned that Fergus was a real nice guy. After a few swords to the throat, he learned that Merida's brash attitude was inherited and her fighting skills were from not joking around.

"You're quick with the mouth but not on foot, darlin!" Fergus yelled as he was battling his little girl mercilessly.

"Hey Da, are you sure we never did anything else for fun? Like bird watching or-" She shut up as she blocked the sword coming at her right leg.

"Keep awake! Ye got my good looks but we don't needa match in every way!" He laughed as he shook his peg-leg.

The Hiccup inside the princess exhaled with extra movement on the bottom lip.


	5. 5, Hey Tiger

CH5

Sword-fighting a man, who resembled a mountain more than a person, was more fun than any Princess would've believed.

The Chief was all muscle: every inch from nose to toe. Though it took few muscles in his face to smile.

"Boy! When did you and the sword get so chummy?" Stoic asked as he and whom people were now calling "New Hiccup" were having a fun little tussle.

"Around the time ye were getting a team together to brush that wild mane of yours, Da!" New Hiccup said over the clanks of iron.

The Chief looked so happy it scared people. Well, it scared his best friend the most.

"Next the rats will grow long beaks and rainbow wings. Mark my words…." The peg-legged blacksmith told the sad-faced Toothless before he hobbled away to scream in the woods.

A mature dragon would enjoy seeing his rider having a good time with the Heavy-Hairy one. Toothless was a mature dragon; he was so mature he didn't grab New Hiccup but the arm and drag him away so they could fly together all by themselves like they use to. Nope, he just sat on the side and gave a gummy smile whenever New Hiccup looked back at him.

New Hiccup liked Toothless, but didn't know all his needs. "Da, the dragon keeps staring at me (this is said between slashes and rebuffs)- for what? I fed him, rubbed him, played with him-"

"How would I know about the beast begging like a Sméagol!" Stoic told New Hiccup; inside hoping he wouldn't hop on the dragon and away from this good time.

"A sad little what?" New Hiccup squeezed his nose.

Stoick would've explained but their sword fight was over when Tuffnut fell from the sky. He landed in a smooth roll, and then pounced onto New Hiccup. New Hiccup was not mad, laying on his back and looking up at Tuffnut.

"I knew I'd get the jump on you eventually!" Tuffnut said, pushing New Hiccup's arms down in the dirt.

"One day it'll happen." New Hiccup said as he brought an arm up and punched Tuffnut's chin.

As they wrestled, New Hiccup noticed he liked the way Tuffnut smelled; he reeked of sweat and something sour.

It made him think of exercising and fun. And New Hiccup did like Ruffnut too, but deep down wished the twins weren't always together.

Ruffnut threw a pail of something sticky on them; it was purple.

New Hiccup was smiling but tried to seemed outraged, "Now what in Zeus's name was that?!"

"Don't diss our Almightys like that, stick with Thor or Odin and they'll protect you from the others setting you on fire." Ruffnut told New Hiccup.

New Hiccup got up to punch her, she happily accepted by kicking him in the tibia.

By the time the others got there, Ruffnut had the boys in headlocks.

"Hey, if you girls are done playing pretend, we have work to get done." Astrid told them; she was so far from amusement, it was bordering the land of disgust.

The twins sighed. They let go of New Hiccup but the three continued to hit each other on their way towards the Dragon Academy. The kids had been putting this off, waiting for New Hiccup to regain all his wisdom. Their rationality was if New Hiccup remembered how to speak, walk, talk and function in every other way he'd remember his dragon skills.

Two days had passed and absolutely zero dragon-knowledge shined from him.

The one person who saw this as a problem was also the person who benefited from New Hiccup's stupidity; whether she liked it or not.

Astrid had everyone get in a straight line, their dragons to their rights and no slouching.

"Now then, with Hiccup being out of commission," Astrid watched New Hiccup play with Toothless (he just learned the dragon had retractable teeth, New Hiccup was amazed), "I take on full responsibility as Head Dragon Trainer."

Fishleggs clapped, but stopped when no one else looked excited. New Hiccup didn't know what was going on.

"Aye, Queen Bee, what do we do now?" New Hiccup asked, not noticing the other teens' frowns.

Astrid smiled and said, while looking beautiful and benign, "Survive."

Now Astrid respected and agreed with old Hiccup's philosophies of 'friendship is magical' and all that gooey stuff. What she didn't like, and used a lot a restraint from kicking Hiccup in the leg, was how it took so many mistakes before he got to his point.

"Put your faith in your dragon, trust your hearts and GODS HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T LEARN THIS BEFORE I'M DONE TALKING!" Astrid was on Stormfly, leading the others through an obstacle course that was the towering rock shoreline of Berk.

Stormfly was fast and aimed clean with Astrid's 'encouragement'. They were smooth as polished glass. This kind of partnership could only be done when a dragon and rider had a close, genuine bond.

The others did care for their dragons as much as she did. However, love didn't help Snotlout and Hookfang go through the narrow space between the two rocky pillars. The width of the Nightmare's wings wasn't the problem, if he'd angle himself right. The real problem was Snotlout didn't think ahead when it came to steering.

Their failure didn't shock Astrid in the slightest. She told Stormfly to soar above the other's view range. This made the others think Astrid was even further ahead.

Looking above the new leader saw that the twins flew against the edges and turns fine. But Astrid took points off for them purposely-smashing rocks around them. That method could either be great for dodging practice but she refused to give credit to the kids who didn't mind rocks falling on their empty heads.

The there was Meatlug and Fishlegs floating along with the speed of a two-legged turtle. With that tiny wingspan it was cool they even bothered to get out of bed, so Astrid gave brownie points for effort.

New Hiccup and Toothless hadn't even left the ground yet. Astrid's nose flexed in annoyance as she and Stormfly flew down to the new losers.

With his fake foot, New Hiccup played with the tail control. He'd done this forty times in the last half hour but still felt they weren't ready to fly. Toothless was very eager to fly but New Hiccup ignored his growls.

"Just getting my balance, lad. We don't want to crash and burn and die." New Hiccup smiled like he was joking, but inside he was praying they'd never have to find out.

"Need help with anything?" New Hiccup had hoped she wouldn't notice, but there she was.

Back straight, chin high, New Hiccup wouldn't show weakness around Astrid.

"Nope, just adjusting the seat. (New Hiccup wiggled around in his seat) Mhh-Hm, this is good."

Astrid folded her arms, her eyes half opened as she asked. "Okay then, safe to go. Right?"

"Yeah, everything hooked in place, it's just…I don't think Toothy is ready." The boy said, hands gesturing to the dragon that loudly disagreed.

Astrid pouted her lip. "This isn't the expert New Hiccup afraid of flying is it?"

New Hiccup shook his head in friendly disagreement. "Don't be a daff- I mean, silly, Astrid. I'm reeved to go."

"Really?" the blonde challenged.

"Yes, really." The New Hiccup said, full of pride.

Stormfly started stomping in the boys' direction.

"I think you are too. (Astrid says as her dragon starts to push Toothless to the edge.) But you might need a little push for lift-off."

"Toothy stay! Stay!" New Hiccup demanded, but Toothless didn't fight back. "Astrid! Get back or I'll-"

The threat turned into a scream as the boys went off the edge. New Hiccup was in horror, but he rammed his weird foot in the way the previous Hiccup's notes told him to. It wasn't as smooth of an save-dive as the pair normally did but they didn't crash so they were happy.

New Hiccup inhaled a big gulp of air, then glowered at Astrid.

"I've seen Snotlout react faster!" The girl yelled at them, her blue dragon laughed.

"Ye're gonna get it, me bonnie lass!" New Hiccup yelled. He wasn't mad at her so much as he had the adrenaline to chase after and try to ram into her for fun.

The lingo was still weird- but as Astrid and Stormfly flew, the young Viking had a tiny seed of hope grow in her chest. New Hiccup was flying on Toothless- something the old Hiccup did, something she missed seeing.

She couldn't watch Toothless fly and keep her dragon straight at the same time so Astrid listened for the sounds of a beginning rider crash into rocks. She heard the whishing and whooshing of a Nighyfury flying; common sense told her to never hope too high or too fast. But New Hiccup was still a Hiccup…

The twins' Zippleback's neck got in a knot, again. Fishlegs was kindly trying to ease the heads out while their owners were kicking each other. They didn't know whose fault it was for their poor dragon's predicament, or maybe they did and just thought it'd be fair to kick one another. Meatlug didn't choose an answer; the gronckle just rolled on her side in boredom.

Snotlout was punching a spot behind his dragon's left head horns. Hookfang liked that, but didn't like when Stormfly landed. The Nighmare knew he'd lose his dumb rider's attention.

"Well look who decided to take their good old time getting here, anyone think we need a new leader?" Snotlout left the decision up to the (uncaring) group.

"So, how'd New Hiccup do?" Fishlegs asked, and then yelped as Belch snapped at him for tugging too hard.

Astrid smiled (secretly) as she felt the wind of the rising Nightfury behind her. In the air Toothless twirled, zoomed and did all the fun things he liked doing to impress the other riders for Hiccup.

Toothless went vertical in the air then perfectly flipped over and dove for the ground. In a split second, he was horizontal again and landed gracefully.

New Hiccup hopped off, tussled his hair back coolly.

Fishlegs was wide-eyed as he gushed. "Whoa, that's a-"

New Hiccup held up an index finger to hush the speaker. Then his cheeks puffed up and he ran to the side of the cliff the kids and dragons were standing on to up-chuck.

Tuffnut and Ruffnut chuckled at the amateur. Fishlegs was gentler and asked, "You okay?"

New Hiccup whipped his mouth with his sleeve. "That was the most amazing experience of mi life."

Hearing those words was like being buried alive under foul garbage and Snotlout's socks; Astrid was not happy.

"Hardly." Astrid snipped, "It took you forever to get here- you were going like 30 miles on Toothless."

New Hiccup was still wobbly but asked with a noticeable amount of sarcasm, "Gee, queenie, what were ye expecting?"

The twins and Snotlout smelled a fight about to start.

"That dragon can go over a hundred miles an hour without even trying but he was dragging in the air for your little comfort."

After losing his lunch, New Hiccup didn't have the strength to fight her, but he thought he could handle talking. "Well we can't all be dare-devils the first try, so can the four of ye can hold back the critiques?"

"Ya know, I'm going to forgive your stupidity cause even though you conveniently remembered how to sword-fight, you've become an idiot." _And what I'm missing_, Astrid thought.

New Hiccup wobbled to glare at Astrid. The blonde would hit Hiccup when he was bad, but she wasn't sure if she could punish New Hiccup. She _could_, but would he live through it?

New Hiccup sat down with his head between his legs, trying to lose the dizziness he felt. "Let's end this before ye get hurt."

Astrid made an arrogant sound, "I wonder if smacking you in the head will bring back your memory. How bout I give it a shot?"

Snotlout whistled in encouragement. Fishlegs got in between his friends and said, "How bout we take a little breather? Meatlug could use one, and we could get Barf and Belch untangled?"

Astrid turned her back on the twerp she wished Toothless would eat.

"Oh yeah, that." Tuffnut remembered his dragon couldn't fly tangled. He snapped his fingers and the Zippleback got right again by its self.

Fishlegs dropped his jaw, and then rubbed his bitten arm. "You could've done that at anytime?"

"Yeah, but now it's funny." He said, and his sister chuckled- she shared his twisted taste.

Astrid rolled her eyes at their immaturity. Then she head New Hiccup giggle at Tuffnut. Her face was stone on the outside while her insides were being riddled with holes.

She looked at Toothless, who was sulking on the side. He was sulking because New Hiccup didn't enjoy flying in the right way as old Hiccup did. Astrid was disappointed too; she turned her face to rub under Stormfly's huge chin.

When Astrid flew it was precise, impeccable, and no one could match her. But when old Hiccup flew new words had to be invented.

….…..

In the castle of DonBraugh, New Merida was trying to fight suffocating boredom. The Princess could live with spending her days trapped inside doing another girl's paper work. She didn't complain about the annoyingly plush living conditions, feeling persecuted by three smarter than average children and having her butt handed to her in her father's training.

All that she could put up with because she had the knowledge it would end eventually. But what caused New Merida's sufferings was her flight-withdrawls.

In her past life, New Merida was privileged to have an incredibly talented best friend. A best friend she missed more than anything else; a friend who also feed an addiction that nothing could compensate.

New Merida tried to ignore the zinging nerves in her muscles. She felt agitated and was seeing the colors drain from the world.

It wasn't in her tendencies to snap or show anger. So New Merida chewed her tongue off and nodded when the Queen expected it.

Getting a ship and a crew ready took little to no time because Eleanor was a good organizer. She was so dignified a ruler no one in the castle saw her anguish.

Every single day since her daughter was born, Eleanor watched was their to watch her. She paid just as close attention to New Merida, but it was more of suspicion now.

The child looked so much like her Merida, but New Merida was not her daughter.

A nice child, but so off from the norm it was tragic comedy.

"Yes, mother, that sounds nice." New Merida said while she walked on the docks. She thought about how deep the water was to dive into.

The melancholy child was on Merida's lunar cycle, the Queen assumed.

Maudie, the Queen's lady-in-waiting, came to the docks with a letter in hand. The long-suffering maid was with another letter from The Duke.

Eleanor felt a button pushed when she saw The Duke's emblem.

"What does the letter say, mother?" New Merida asked, checking her nails for dirt. She had a picture book in her hands; the pictures were small and it had few words, prime source for New Merida's doodling.

"None of your concern, dear." The Queen brushing away the Princess was something Maudie was still not use to.

On a whim, New Merida pushed to learn more. "Mother, I've had nothing to think about but fractions and sun-lotion for the last week- please give me something new."

It was on Merida's lesson plan to read the tale of Icarus; the Queen stuck New Merida in the room to do as she pleased. Eleanor hadn't guessed the child would actually complete the work.

In pity, the Queen decided to tell her, "It's a letter from The Duke; a young man close to your age who requests a meeting; even after I've informed him many times before you are not fit for company."

"Have I met him before?"

"No."

"Have you?"

"No, but I've heard pleasant things."

"We should have him over." The New Merida said, thinking it was the best idea.

The Queen chuckled indignantly. "Why would you suggest something so foolish?"

"I don't think he's receiving the message through mail, so we should tell him face to face." New Merida usually tried to avoid confrontational situations. But the total lack of confrontation was making her homesick, so she'd settle with anything at this point.

The two ladies were walking back to the castle. Their ship would be ready to sail by tomorrow night.

"No. We shall deal with him with distance and polite indifference." The Queen was sure that she was right; most every past experience had proven so.

New Merida felt she had a better understand of men; they needed to be told flat out what the deal was. Women were masters at words and complex emotions but New Merida's experience was that men could live off mystery and hope forever.

This was not necessary to say aloud because the first thing the ladies saw when they entered the throne room was a large crate. The crate was so large that it met Fergus' neck in height.

The king examined the crate up and down with his three sons. The boys poked sticks in the holes at the bottom. There was a growling noise.

"Oh ho ho, this is quite the token of affection. Hey lass, ye may have attracted a good one this time!" the King said to his approaching daughter.

His wife was far less excited. She wanted to respect the shining gems in place of nails that kept the beast inside, but Eleanor felt disrespected. She wrote very clearly that her daughter was ineligible to meet a new suitor. This Duke was being stubborn and rude- he didn't win the Queen's favor.

New Merida tried not to sound too smug. "So, I'm thinking of a Sunday brunch. How fast can you send a sheep-gram?"

The Queen could be stubborn too. "We are returning this and sending a more ardent letter in the morning."

While their mother wasn't looking, the triplets broke the lock that kept the beast inside. The open door was not on the side of their family. The triplets saw the tiger's face where no one else could.

With one good roar, it caught the others' attention. The big kitty pounced at the scattered triplets- they were very fast for ones with such tiny legs.

"Aye! Who let the cat out!?" The King had a little exuberance that they did because it'd been forever since he went hunting.

New Merida knew about the king's hunting history, she felt she should step in. it wasn't before she lifted a foot did the Queen grab her and drag her away.

"Don't be bampot! (The Queen didn't mean to say that) I mean to say, stay away from that beast!" Whether this was her child or not, the queen wouldn't allow harm to her.

The King called for some warriors and a weapon to corner the animal.

The New Merida spoke so low it was breathe. "I can help them."

Royal lady's hands covered the stupid child's hands. "Stay beside me or you die."

None of the King's men were able to even scratch the tiger. The cat terrified them, but New Merida saw the men were not the only confused ones.

There was a moment when the Queen's gripe loosened to give more attention to her husband. In the moment, New Meirda took advantage of an opportunity: _Your highness, forgive me, _she thought.

Pulling her hand away with the rest of her, New Merida ran from the queen- around the circle of men stupidly trying to poke the tiger.

"Get back here or you will be locked in a tower for a month!" The worried mother threatened.

Risking her freedom and pretty face, New Merida walked towards the face of the tiger. No weapons on her, just one hand full of skirt and the other open palm.

"Lass, get back!" The king knew his daughter wasn't right in the head, but this was just plain stupid weird.

"I can take it- trust me, please." New Merida told them- with more sureness than she'd felt all week.

The tiger had fangs, muscles and pretty amber eyes. The pupils were needle thin, and the creature was ready to pounce.

New Merida only stood with the open hand to the animal; the animal pounced.

"No!" her parents screamed: the king raised his sword to stab the tiger in the back.

With a mighty call, he ran to the thing he thought was mauling his only daughter, but he heard laughter. That stopped the four hundred pound man piercing the beast like a turkey dinner.

From the angels the king didn't see, the king's men saw the tiger licking the princesses' face. The redheaded girl thought the tongue-bristles felt weird but she was so relived not being eaten she laughed.

"Lass?" Fergus asked, all the sense in the world getting knocked out of him.

The New Merida still hand a hand on the tiger's nose, she kept it there as the tiger helped her up.

Everyone in the room was flabbergasted; New Merida enjoyed the purring from her new friend under her girly hands.

"As long as no one pokes him with a sword or spear, I think he'll be chill (New Merida coughed) tranquil." The princess told her surrounding admirers.

The Queen calmed her heart and put her brain back on. This look-a-like child had secret talents and Eleanor wondered how deep that foxhole went.

With Sniffles the tiger chilled out, it was easy to put him in a new cage. New Merida thought this was harsh but she knew she'd pushed a boundary that day. From the depths of her rebellious heart it felt good and she knew she helped people. She also knew that the queen might be suspicious of what else she was capable of doing. New Merida would've gladly explained how and why she did the things she could, but the queen acted distant to her.

Telling her the truth was right the first time around, so New Merida thought she'd do it this time.

New Merida had left Sniffles and was walking to her room, where the Queen was waiting for her to choose a new dress. Tomorrow Princess New Merida of Dunbrouch would meet the Duke.

She thought she was alone, but then heard a Terrible Terror yelping for help.

Knowing dragon sounds by heart, New Merida ran to the door she heard the crying. It was not locked, and she opened it to see the poor creature being tugged from the front left leg, tail and right wing by the twins.

Since gaining the triplets respect, New Merida could say, "Let him go." And the princes would listen.

Of course their suspicion of the one they knew not to be their sister doubled but Hamish held them back from attack. He wanted to see what would come next.

The poor little dragon flapped into the girl's hands.

"Good night, boys." The 'princess' said as she closed the door to one of the castles many unnecessary rooms.

Hubert gestured to the closed door, his brother Hamish just held up and hand and nodded. Being the oldest and wisest of the three, Hamish ordered his brothers to spy on the imposter but not to bug her because they didn't know if she'd hurt them or not. Harris was the softest, in the heart and head; he just wanted to see more animal tricks.

In Merida's room, New Merida sat on the dresses laid out and took the rolled scroll on the Terrible Terror's leg. It was a roll of three small rectangles with writing on them. The script was very curly but sharp.

"This is for Princess Merida of Donbraugh" the words written on the roll said. The girl unrolled it to read the letter.

"If you are truly reading this, then let me say Hello Hiccup! "

In the letter the real Merida wrote saying she was safe and having fun in Berk, but she didn't tell anyone about their situation because she feared their disbelief.

Also she was having so much, she loved Hiccup's friends and dragons. She asked Hiccup to tell her how he family was doing, if he knew, and what the situation was like with him. Merida said she'd readily get Toothy and run to help if he needed them. She had lots of questions, and Hiccup noticed none was in tones like she was homesick or eager to leave soon.

In his woeful homesickness, Hiccup hugged the little dragon so hard it yelped in panic. He put it around his girl shoulders and rubbed its horn to make it feel safe and comfortable.

Hiccup/ New Merida knew it took the Terrible Terror three days to get to this castle. So much could change so Hiccup knew to tell her just to come as soon as possible to the castle for their Switching Back ritual.

The third page of roll was a last thought and had a smiling face on it. "Oh, I've seen your privates (big smile) Go away with mine!"


	6. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**I cannot write another chapter for this because the magic has died for me.**

**I have the whole story planned out in my head but I lack the drive to write it.**

**Blame school or general life for sucking away my attention/ love to this story. Maybe one day I'll finish it for the sake of finishing something.**

**Until then, get off of and go read a newspaper or real book at a bookstore.**


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